Many unhappy couples choose to stay together for the sake of the family, but children are adept at knowing when something isn’t right. Making the decision to divorce is brave and is the first step towards a brighter future for you and your family, though it may not feel that way right now. When it is time to share the news with your kids, you’ll want to know how to talk to your children about divorce.
Undoubtedly the first question that comes to your mind is ‘how will the children react?’. You may fear their reaction and how they will handle this adjustment. When we consider how to talk to children about divorce, a key thing to keep in mind is to view the situation from the perspective of a child. Sitting down with your partner and discussing how to begin the process of talking to your children about divorce is vital. Being prepared is the best way to handle this situation.
HOW TO TALK TO CHILDREN ABOUT DIVORCE
Arrange a time when you can all be together to process this news as a family and use this as an opportunity to model healthy communication. How to discuss divorce with your child may feel like a daunting task, but remember the reasons for separation are for the greater good of the family. The best way to tell a child you’re separating is through calm, rational and honest communication. It’s important to prepare yourself for this conversation by processing your own emotions relating to the separation beforehand. Being emotionally present for your child will allow them to feel that this change won’t affect their safety and security.
How to prepare for a conversation about divorce with your child
How to tell a four-year-old about divorce will differ greatly from how to tell a teenager about divorce. With younger children, it’s important to focus on their present reality, as young ones don’t tend to think about the future and are absorbed by the implications in the here and now. How to tell a school-age child about divorce, and also teenagers, is with honesty, love, and empathy. Allow them to express their options, feelings, and emotions freely. Give them time and space but also let them know how much you care.
Ask open questions to encourage the flow of vulnerable conversations as you move through the divorce process.
What to do during a conversation about divorce with your child
During the conversation, it’s likely that your child will have questions regardless of their age. It’s important to assert that although you are separating, the love you have for your children is everlasting and will never be broken. Always tell the truth and speak from the heart. Your children will respect you for this and whilst they may feel overwhelmed at the time, will be comforted to know that they can still trust and depend on you as a parent and friend. Use language that your child will understand and avoid giving additional details about the reasons for separation. This will only confuse and complicate your child’s processing of the news. Let your child know that the separation is not their fault and that it’s okay to be upset and share their feelings with you. Consider how their world will change from their perspective and assure them that your love is unconditional.
What to expect following a conversation about divorce with your child
Following the conversation, your child may react in a number of ways as they begin to process this change. Your child may instantly share emotions of anger and upset, and whilst this may be distressing to witness as a parent, it is actually a good sign that your child feels able to express ‘negative’ emotions fully. Conversely, your child may seem unaffected and appear to be handling the transition well. Be aware of this and ensure that your child doesn’t adopt the caregiver role in the absence of the other parent. Help your child to prepare for the separation by maintaining a sense of routine and normality to allow them to feel safe and secure.
SEEKING LEGAL ADVICE FOR DIVORCE
How to talk to children about divorce is ultimately about speaking from the heart. As a parent, you may not have all the answers but you can always certainly respond with love. We understand that this is a challenging time for you and your family and we are here to help. Our family and matrimonial services can allow the complexity of divorce to be handled as peacefully and swiftly as possible, allowing your family to look towards a brighter and happier future, together.